You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
