i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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