I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
