her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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