Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude i'm inner monologue high
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize