So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she smelled like a LAN party
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
