There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize