I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
