Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
