I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
