You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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