White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
