Im at strip club and am horny
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
