you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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