Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
