Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
