You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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