wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
