Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
