The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We have started to decorate penises.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
