i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't turn off my feet"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
