If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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