It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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