Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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