Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
