i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
