D3 body, D1 cock
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
