Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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