she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize