Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
