Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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