She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
