Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
