Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Watching her eat just hurts me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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