You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
