IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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