All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize