Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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