What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
