you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
