so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
