I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize