if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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