we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
