lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
