Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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