My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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