he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
