sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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