Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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