i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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