I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
