Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
