You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
