I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
