you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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