Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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