im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
