we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
