Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I will pee on everything he values.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
