Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
