I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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