Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
