He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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