I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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