3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
